It has now officially taken me 12hrs now to put my new bed together. Vague directions, tools breaking, checking feng shui websites factored.

Today's motivation provided by chocolate cranberry coffee & some DirtyGhettoDiscoFunk

Shoemerang! The next time someone pisses me off... Look out! lol

"That was off the hammer!" - NewGirl

"I'd rather rawdog a beehive" - Glee

Well... I could go start using the gym provided where I live, or I could take a walk to Walgreens to buy a toaster... Tough call.

So I decided to scrub my face w/ coffee grounds from this morning... holy shit, I'm awake! I wonder if I could exfoliate w/ oxycontin? Hmm

What are the odds that I'd find an apt that goes with my Elvis pic

Not quite wife beater weather, but don't tell my neighbor that. You can actually hear his biceps thinking about putting you in a headlock.

On my patio, sitting in the sun, drinking chocolate cranberry coffee w/ Bailey's, watching my neighbor's dog taking a shit. GoodMorning!

Money Can't Buy You Class just popped into my head and I'm seriously considering suicide if it doesn't stop, "Oh Yeah!"

Waiting til 12am to see if my bedroom set goes on sale at walmart.com, ain't no way in hell am I dealing with people!

AVeryGagaThanksgiving? Don't know how did I missed this bit of info.

I wish I was lying when I say I'm having HotPockets for Thanksgiving...

The Nutmobile?

The Thanksgiving Day Parade is amazingly awful! I love how even the performers could give a shit about how bad their lip syncing is.

Walking to Davidson again today. I swear if I don't lose any weight, I'm giving up. On a good note, I finally get the keys to my new apt!

Approaching a NoSwagZone

Have tons of shit to do today, but since I can't figure out how this damn bus system works, it looks like I'll be staying in all day. FML

Debating if I should buy furniture now before I move in my apt Wednesday because I have none, or if I should wait until Black Friday

I wonder if Janet Jackson or Paula Abdul are embarrassed to have their names mentioned in Showgirls? And is Paula Abdul even aware?

DavidHasselhoff has an exceeding creeper status. Last was when he was talking about jerking off to the Best Female nominees at the EMA's.

Stop!... JustinBieber Shufflin'

Well... WillIAm performance would have been great if someone hadn't done effed up synching the MickJagger video. NoMovesLikeJagger

Thinking BreakingDawn helped BrunoMars take the win over JustinBieber. The shit between TeamTwilight vs TeamBieber has hit the fan.

MissPiggy is on fire promoting TheMuppets movie this weekend! Appeared on SNL last night & just performed w/ Maroon5. AMA2011

I don't mind HotChelleRae, but really? And by the looks of it, TheBandPerry will take care of it out in back, after the show. AMA2011

KatyPerry looks like JudyJetson with pink hair. Good performance though. People forget what an acoustic performance sounds like

Pitbull's "international playboy" act is getting old. I remember when he was part of the nation's reggaeton problem.

There's nothing about JenniferLopez's music that screams Fiat. Did Pitbull just have a boner, hence her hesitation while backing it up?

Dig this throwback version of MrLonely. About time KellyClarkson had a hit again. AMA2011

Good to see ChrisBrown actually perform rather than rolling off the beans on a harness flying all over the stage for once. AMA2011

EddieMurphy had a yard sale and JustinBieber bought his wardrobe. LetSelenaDressYou

TrueStory: I've never seen the Moves Like Jagger video, & the only Maroon5 song that I prefer the remixes over the original.

Haven't been outside all day yet, guess I'll go for a bit. Only have 2hrs until the American Music Awards come on, better get moving

"I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY, ALRIGHT?!?!" Hysterical only because I know people who freak out exactly like that. SNL

Florence + The Machine makes me happy. SNL

Anyone remember when SNL's TaranKillam was on TheAmandaShow in the Dawson's Creek parody MoodysPoint?

Too damn cold to go out. Think its a Chinese take-out, a couple beers at home, & bed around midnight kind of night... again...

Would much rather be watching BeavisAndButthead & GoodVibes but I'm stuck watching the Jets game... ICallBullshit

See y'all in Oz!

I can't believe how mature these kids are, transgendered or not. I wish all kids behaved liked that. Anderson

Neighbor bitching about his soon to be ex. Me: That's why I stay single. Him: Well no, life is meant to be shared... What part did I miss?

"In my day, they were shaped more like penises" - MawMaw ( RaisingHope)

I couldn't go for that Hall & Oates mash up on Glee, friggin wretched

BillMahar vs ElizabethHasselbeck on TheView was some good morning television! Props to Whoopi attempting to discuss OWS for 30secs

Disgusted by the OWS live streams... I'm going to bed thinking that becoming Canadian really isn't such a bad idea. Hello Toronto?

Nobody beats the Biz... Nobody!

I like orange juice! WEEEEEE!!!!!!

NickJr - a 24hr network made for stoners and former ravers, some of them just happen to have children.

More and more I feel like I'm wasting my time watching TwoAndAHalfMen. I think they're trying to damn hard

I wonder whose dirty taint it took to flavor Snyder's garden vegetable pretzels and how many of them did they use... gross!

A huge flash of light outside the window, massive black out, now the sirens are going off right now! What the hell is going on in NC?!?!

Wow is 2012 a bad movie! I'm going to have to go watch BetterOffDead just to forgive JohnCusak for that

"I am legendary homosexual Ricky Martin" AmericanDad "Is that the real Mrs. Garrett?"

We're going to make Technology Hump! SNL

Coldplay's ChrisMartin is a pretty funny guy! SNL

I swear I just ran into CamilleGrammer looking all pissy. I was like sorry ClubMtv got cancelled, wubba wubba wubba...

Get well ErickSermon, it ain't your time yet! http://ping.fm/ZJLIc

OMFG, JimmyFallon as JimMorrison singing the ReadingRainbow theme, EPIC!!!

11:38 DAMMIT!!! Guess no wishes coming true anytime soon... :(

I don't see how 25-40% off overpriced linens has anything to do with VeteransDay, but I thank you for letting us have that option.

Bought my first flat screen tv! $399 marked down to $279. Taking advantage of those online holiday deals. Now I need furniture.

This makes me giggle!

Didn't realize it was 11/11 until after 11:11. Therefore, no wishes were made, oh well...

"What's with this Twitter? Telling people what you think all the time? We used to do that...it was called being an a-hole." GoodVibes

Dude just got ass raped by a wild boar, "That one got me" wow...

"You want to play hardball? Taylor Lautner..." OMG, I just totally lost my shit! GoodVibes friggin hilarious!

"Is this Real Housewives of Detroit?" LOL BeavisAndButthead

Just ate sushi with a fork, deal with it!

"Teenage Boy Museum! Teenage Boy Museum!" Only on SpongeBob

"And this is what I call a 720 Nut Job!" - Sandy ( SpongeBob) Wow...

TaylorSwift's thank you list was quite diverse, from NickiMinaj to JimmyEatWorld

Does this guy singing with Sugarland think he's Bono? Settle down! Good performance nonetheless, just saying

LukeBryan's sparkle jeans... I guess we know what RickyMartin's wearing to this year's Grammys

Did I just hear LionelRichie's name announced on the CMAs?

I want BradPaisley's wardrobe

ZacBrownBand w/ GregAllman - Georgia On My Mind... Friggin incredible! CMAs

Dear DirecTV, I know its not an actually emergency alert, but is there a need to play Lady Gaga's Paparazzi? Really?

Tonight's episode of Glee isn't even over yet and its already causing a big uproar. I don't get it, because I was quite bored with it

Rushed so I can make it home by 5 to watch Nickelodeon, I haven't done this since DoubleDare was on

"Oh what do you call this? A filatio ratio! AWW YEAH!" - LMFAO ( MtvEMA)

Queen closing out the MtvEMA's with AdamLambert

And the Best Awkward Moment goes to... HaydenPanettiere & TheStreaker. Yeah, that definitely was a penis. MtvEMA

JustinBieber hanging out with LMFAO at the MtvEMA's, can't wait to see what comes of this...

Queen just got honored as this year's GlobalIcon on the MtvEMA's, bout damn time!

What extra hour???

Don't you just hate it when you die right after retirement?! I mean, come on! RIPAndyRooney

Heard the most incredible version of TomPetty's Great Wide Open here @ The Brickhouse, barely recognizable Some real talent going on here!

So I'm sitting at the bar with the NC equivalent of Kim G, bout ready to punch both my ears out

"You crazy dog! Don'cha want to see my video?!" - PattyMayonnaise

AirSupply playing with TheRoots on JimmyFallon! There's just too much awesome going today for me to handle. LikeWhoa...

Hey look, KristenStewart is acting socially awkward... and she's sitting next to DaveAttell who is talking about porn. JayLeno

The return of Triumph (at Occupy Wall St.) & late night's first ever same sex wedding, @TeamCoco FTW

Went into a convenient store and discovered that they sell MD 20/20! There will be an investment made in the near future... :)

KenanThompson as an adult dressed & acting like a baby on a date. Nickelodeon was treading on some freaky ass territory back then!

Through the years, I've noticed that HughJackman has become one of the gayest straight guys ever.

MasturbatingBear!!! All is right with the world again!!! ConanNYC

The Irish get a enough shit, but from Glee? Damn...

Never thought I'd be so good at bobbing for apples. Does anyone have any caramel & nuts so they can eat me out of this thing - StickStickly

So yeah, this CryBabyLane movie on TeenNick is pretty wacked and a half, a whole lot of wrong going on.