Home from the ER, staying in, bringing in 2012 with my mom. I really thought I was going to die. :(

My grandfather spent last NYE in the ER, looks like its my turn...

KatyPerry & RussellBrand (10/10 - 12/11) At least it lasted longer than 72 days & no shitty reality shows came from it. ThinkPositive

A damn shame on the amount of people I hear brag about what they got for Christmas this year, even about how much it cost. WakeUp

Just getting back from seeing TheGirlWithADragonTattoo, enjoyed it, but it had its moments. It definitely had its moments... yeah...

Absolutely disgusted by people so selfish, that they can't put things aside for one day to give someone their last Christmas. Unforgivable

Watching a couple slow dance to dubstep... interesting to say the least

Fra-gee-lay...

Battery is about to die, whore info will be reported later...

Sure you look hot... in a wrapped in paper & tossed over at a Seattle fish market kind of way... WorkIt

Everlast was the Tap Out of the 80s & early 90s... SomethingToThinkAbout & KnockItOff, JustSaying...

I love how my mom comes home from work and says MerryChristmas as she hands me a hot pink fannypack... WTF?!

I'm going to start wearing mom jeans just to be an asshole. Walk around & be like, Hey bitches, do you like my mom jeans?! - ShitMyMomSays

Who the hell would want her?! She's an alcoholic and her uterus is falling out! - ShitMyMomSays

Sad is when people mistake the sound of a screeching parrot with an irate fat white chick that can't find "her gay"

Who brings a friggin parrot to a bar? Really?!?

Coitus Interruptus...

Besides the $50, my highlight was the man so drunk, he didn't realize the beer he trying to drink was pouring into his coat. @JTsTavern98

BeginnersLuck & 3TimesTheCharm! First time playing BeerBingo & I win $50 bucks! WINNING!

ManchesterUnited to Fulham: Here are your asses back

If you have to check to make sure your weave didn't fall out after you keep checking your watch, YourShitsCheap

Back in Bing, at my mom's for a couple weeks. Remember people, I'm only VISITING!

40 miles til Binghamton

Kid #1: I've seen you fight before, you fight like a bitch. Kid #2: I've seen your ma before, look like she ran head first into a tree. WIN

Vanessa: "Rudy, what daddy is trying to tell you is that your goldfish is decreased." The classic Goodbye, Mr. Fish episode. TheCosbyShow

DrunkWhiteGirls starting to sing Adele = Finish your beer and leave

OMG, you lie! What? I sent you a message on Facebook asking what you were up to. At 8:03, you said nothing, but you were at a bar at 7:35

This guy just won the "Best way to interupt a conversation by a southern country boy award" w/ "I wanna motherfuggin McNugget, bitch!!!"

Fact: If you don't know a name of a song, DrunkWhiteGirls will scream out the name and/or the singer, followed by an "Ohmehgah WOOOOO!!!"

Guy mentions girlfriend, her: I don't care about Kristy with a K! She doesn't recieve you like I receive you! Do you like Goonies? Issues

Witnessing this guy's platonic friendship take a horribly awkward turn. You know, that moment you realize that she's nucking futs

Girl: We can go home & cuddle, but if I feel something rubbing on my ass, it ain't going inside Guy: We have to cuddle?

u be talkin bout kowalla bears and bluebary muffins and shit - TextsFromBennett

Despite the fact I'm standing in front of the patio door with the blinds open, my neighbor still lets her dog shit on my patio...

After 2 days of not checking my mail, all I get is a Clipper Magazine. Good thing though, I'm bout to do some serious couponing here

Yeah, think I'll take that 10min walk to my mailbox, since I have the motivation to, and the fact that I haven't checked it in 2 days.

"U probally drive a Kia minivan wit adam lambert floor mats" - TextsFromBennett

Nothing says holiday spirit like The Omen & The Exorcist parodies and Sarah Palin... only AmericanDad

Wasn't FamilyGuy supposed to be a Holiday episode? or did I miss something?

Joe's FionaApple tribute video... WTF? LOL FamilyGuy

Cleveland: What's your name?! Bear: Poop... Dick Poop. TheClevelandShow is actually good tonight!

I'm really glad I didn't waste money on the UFC fight tonight. However, if it were StarJones fighting, I would have splurged.

I admit, I googled SpudWebb after Stefon said it & saw that it was trending. SNL

First in a long time that I've ever laughed harder at a WeekendUpdate than the rest of SNL.

KristenWiig's flirting expert had me crying, because I've seen first hand. AlecBaldwin makes being an asshole a true artform. SNL

There's just something about Robyn's dancing I find absolutely intriguing. SNL

KatyPerry hosting SNL tonight w/ musical guest Robyn & I hear Stefon will be making an appearance. My night is planned. BieberMyBalls!

Only one guy in the band w/ 80's hair band hair & its real! Not the lead singer as thought, but they're killing it covering Motley Crue

So yeah, picture RonSwanson w/ a perm & I'm listening to a metal cover of Bad Romance...

The band's lead singer looks like a product of Joan Jett having a baby by either a labradoodle or Kip Winger.

Well just BieberMyBalls! I'm out of beer! :(

Thinking about changing my spread, er... I mean my profile pic. I'll be airbrushing my crotch shots for a bit if anyone needs me

The original Dre & Snoop Deep Cover on MtvJams right now! This makes me happy!

Thank God for bar & grill websites, saves me a trip to the fridge.

There's this guy in the bar jamming out by himself on his guitar, just did a cover of Coldplay's Don't Panic, un-friggin-believable!

Guy: You're just going to use me for my penis size Girl: What's your penis Guy: Umm, I'll give you the head Girl: Did you just say head?

Target employee, genius! ModernFamily

Stuck in the apt today due to this Carolina Monsoon we're having. Television sucks, but at least there's a GhostHunters marathon on.

My plan now that I'm drunk enough. I'm going home, putting on my HappyPants, getting on my laptop & put my Ho Ho set together. OneManParty

Do I have "Used to sell porn and sex toys" written on my forehead? It's like people know and want to talk about it their "situation". OMG

50 cent wings an $1 beer? I'd be a damn fool not to!

Discovering MtvU for the 1st time. They play videos! Really awesome videos! Going on 5hrs and still playing videos! What?!?

The damn couch is done! I'm going for a beer!

Have cable now, yay!!! Now I'm trying to put Ikea furniture together... Do liquor stores deliver? Well, they need to!

Stompy came knocking at my door this morning with some of that good good again and man, am I jacked!

Who the hell does the sound for these award shows anymore? You can hear the audience more than the performers. Ridiculous

Interesting discussion about porn on The View. Obviously a NoBarbaraDay

I wish the Giants would hurry up and lose, this game is cutting into my cartoon time!

Whenever I see someone riding a hoveround, Gwen Stefani's Crash starts playing in my head. Back it up, back it up! You got it, you got it!

Not only do the yield to pedestrians down here, they sell beer until 2am! This blows my fucking mind!

Quote Of The Night: "I've got shit in my mouth and its all stretched out" The Whore Report rides again!

I like how my phone auto corrects DTF to STD. My phone's a silly bitch!

I thought White Folks Get Crunk was a music blog, not a bar! WTF?

Pitbull has now ruined Dr. Pepper, FML

I need to start watching college football more often, they play like they're not getting overpaid. Even the marching bands had my interest!

Stompy, Traxsource, and beer!

Took some motivation, but I finally took a shower today. Not dressed & out the door though, but back in my pj's, in my bed. CelebrateLife!

Debating what to do tonight. I suppose getting out of my pajamas, take a shower, get dressed, & possibly go outside should be on that list

Whoa! BenSavage is on Bones! Talk about Boy Meets Old...

So Santa's penguin's name is Topper? Why not Pitcher Penguin? Sounds more catchy... wait, not if he's a Pitcher, nevermind...

Santa Claus Is Coming To Town! And he's bringing warlocks, penguins, & Nazi's! Damn gingers...

My neighbors upstairs alternate between dated reggaeton (Spanish only) & SteveMillerBand's The Joker & Abracadabra, all day! WTF?!?

Whoa! Since when is it December 1st?! ICallBullshit!