Christmas Magic!

I wasn't in the holiday spirit until I came across this photo on the internet. Thank you Photobucket!

Black Friday

After a day long of feasting on Thanksgiving, what better way to start off ones weekend on the day, fueled with hype courtesy of our media and retailers, known as "Black Friday". The first "official" day of the holiday shopping season. Also a day where people grab their cash and/ or plastic and hunt like savage tribesman for the nearest bargain, leaving their sense of civilization and respect for human life at home. This is why I stay home on this day. I do not think there is a need to go out and risk getting trampled or having my insides clawed out over something stupid as a fucking iPod. Since the day of the Furbies and the Tickle Me Elmos, every year seems to have become more deadlier. American society is about up to it's head in what you'd call an oxymoron. If you you replace the word "society" with "idiots" that would just make it sound redundant.

T-Shirt Wisdom's "Certified" Person Of The Week

Sarah Palin... (it was bound to happen sooner or later)

As if she weren't "certified enough, the crazy Alaskan Asshat is at it again. Imagine if Quentin Tarantino or Eli Roth were to join forces with John Waters and make a political comedy, this would have been a scene from that movie. After watching this I was left speechless, didn't know if I wanted a cigarette or cry. Here's the full video of her interview as shown on MSNBC.

T-Shirt Wisdom's "Certified" Person Of The Week

It was reported in the November 11th edition of the Press & Sun Bulletin (local paper here in Binghamton) that 20 year old Malik Alvin, a junior at Binghamton University and Bearcats basketball player, was charged after (as what our local newspaper words...) a "condom heist goes awry" at Wal-Mart in Vestal, NY. I love the sensationalism, slow news day I guess. Alvin is accused of taking two 36-count boxes of Trojan Magnum condoms of the shelf (as supposedly seen by security) into the restroom , emptying the contents of one box into the front of his pants and left the other there. I'm guessing because there wasn't enough room? In an attempt to leave the store while being pursued by the crack security team, he had "collided" with a 66 year old woman who was knocked down and sustained a concussion. Alvin pleaded innocent to both counts of petite larceny and third degree assault, each misdemeanors. He remains free until further court action. I find this to be what most people simply call shoplifting, but I guess in this case, size does matter. But rest assured, whatever the outcome may be, we all know in the end he'll be getting laid a lot more.

Iz It Coz I Iz Black?

Yes, it is. As much as many of us Americans would like to say how far this country come when it comes to diversity (whether racially or with one's sex or sexuality), we clearly don't have a clue what's going on. November 4th was indeed a historic day and actually a day to feel proud. Then the morning of the 5th happened. I don't think many were thinking that Obama would be president for the next four years at the time of voting. Our society's way of thought works in very sad ways. They were probably assuming that he'd be "president for the day" as if he were a child from the Make A Wish Foundation.
Of course the finger pointing is aimed towards the African-American community for what's wrong in this country (politically and socially) because now there is a "so-called" legitimate reason or excuse for that matter. The United States is kind of like an office building for some shitty company that specializes in making stationary. You would consider yourself as the most non-racist or non-prejudiced person in the whole world and really like "the black guy" who sits in the cubical next to you. In fact, you even invite him over to watch the big game or to your family barbecues. But when word gets out that he's planning on moving up the corporate ladder and actually get that position, those feelings start to surface. You get angry and start thinking of every stereotype imaginable and next thing you know the whole company is going to take a big shit even if this guy hasn't stepped foot into the office yet.
Relax people! you don't know how it's going to be yet. This country is in shambles right now, good luck to any man that's willing to try to fix it. Even if you think that there will be large barbecues or low-riders parked in the front lawn of the White House, is that really a bad thing? I'll bring the potato salad.

Gays Vs. Blacks: Because Black Gays Don't Exist?

With all the emphasis on the African-American community or as Bill O'Riley would say "Black Folk", the TV friendly alternative, since the unexpected large turn-out of "Black" voters (because I'm guessing they don't work or just flat out lazy) electing the first "Black" President, in case you haven't heard. Now with the increasing amount of protests opposing the passing California's Proposition 8 and other such so-called "Constitutional" amendments passed in other states, it seems that no one wants to fess up to actually voting it's approval (You know, like when everyone bitched about the Spice Girls back in the 90's, but yet they were the biggest selling group, so you knew someone had to be buying their shit). According to the "media", as a last minute scramble to find a scapegoat, they've quickly place the blame on none other than, and like on everything else since the beginning of slavery, those "BLACK" people. Now that the Barak Obama is moving in and gay rights are slowly being taking away "legally", it's become apparent that we all have to come to the conclusion that this was all single-handedly undermined by the "Black Community" and NOT by hypocritical right-wing bigots.

Gay columnist Dan Savage on Comedy Central's The Colbert Report speaking about the protests:

Change Has Come To America

Tonight, an historic election has taken place, as Barak Obama became the first African-American president. With that aside, I feel that for once my vote counted, unlike the last two elections. Words can't express what I'm feeling right now. Even the air smells refreshing. It's like the Death Star has been defeated.

State Of Obvious, Population: Oblivious

Excuse it. Dismiss it. Leave it.

After my lovely experience at Wal-Mart earlier today, I stopped into AC Moore, a craft store also located in the Town Square Mall. I had to get some wireform mesh for my Halloween costume I'm making. I am not one for craftiness, so I don't frequent craft stores often if at all. When I do walk into that store, I'm lost, fucking clueless. I actually lost all sense of direction, didn't know what part of the store I was in. So after wandering aimlessly, I found an employee, a lovely middle-aged woman with the usual menopausal short cut with a fading box perm, who seemed normal. Now mind you, I am at a craft store. I asked her where I could find the wireform mesh. I know that it is used for sculpting and / or whatnot. I get this look like she's so glad that she could help me and knows right off hand just where this item is located. So with a friendly grin, she points her finger in some direction and tells me that "it's in the craft section"... So I was like "okay, thank you".
As I am yet again wandering aimlessly, I really start thinking about the answer I received. "It's in the craft section"... "it's in the craft section", it just kept echoing in my mind. Maybe I'm jumping the gun in thinking that this place is in fact A FUCKING CRAFT STORE. Ummm... ahhh... HELLO?!?! At this point, I am slowing suffering. It was like I had mentally stubbed my toe. You know that pain when you do, it doesn't hurt right at that second but once it hits your brain... OUCH! Followed by countless "shits" and "fucks", damning that old lady down the aisle who just doesn't and refuses to believe that the small fake autumn plants are marked down from 9.99 to 3.99, straight to hell (well, not really, but yeah).
Alas, I find what I'm looking for, but it only came in one size, I needed something just a little bit bigger. So I asked another employee, who was the "not quite hipster" kind of hipster. In the back of mind, along with all the other shit that going on, I'm thinking "nice beard, is that your first?". I don't know why, but I felt the need to explain my costume. I needed the mesh as part of the mouth on the head piece, because that is what I'll be seeing out of without my face being shown (like a mascot). Then he felt he understood, but then acted like he had a better idea. He suggested that I just cover the wire with paper mache. The last I knew, paper mache isn't quite transparent. Could be just me, I don't know? So I looked at the item in hand and said this will do and proceeded to the check out line where that crazy old lady harassing cashiers about the fake plants.

There's A Time And A Place To Discuss Dead Cats

Always Low Class...

So I had the wonderful pleasure of making a trip to the Wal-Mart in the Vestal Town Square Mall today with my friend Charise, it was our first time hanging out since working together at the Adult Bookstore here in Binghamton. It wasn't like we just happen to randomly decide going, who does that? unless you're drunk or high at 3am. An alternative to Denny's I guess? I'm going to assume that all Wal-Mart's are the same no matter part of the country you're in. It's retched. Especially if you go during the day. If happend to miss the Jerry Springer Show that day, just go there and enjoy the visuals. Not saying that all customers are ghetto and / or white trash (regardless of social status), just about 90%, the other 10% are people who ended up ther as a last resort. Is it just me, or does it seem like early morning and half of the people look like the were woken up by a wood chipper out side their bedroom window (yes, that actually happend to me once)? There is no happy medium at Wal-Mart, you're either miserable or not as. If you feel otherwise, you're just lying to yourself.
Well anyway, Charise and I had to do some shopping and she came along with me to the craft section in the back of the store. I never knew why it's located in the back, but after today, I know now. Before we get to that section, we both happen to notice a sad little girl sitting in a shopping being pushed by her mother. Not sad like crying, but sad like you can tell her mother cuts her hair. Let's just say it looked like she used a Flowbee with dull blades... yes, sad. We get to where I had to be and while weaving through the ailes, she was telling me a story on how one of her friends got a ticket for hitting a cat with her car on accident. She never actually gets to finish the story because an employee just happen to be standing there and insisted on sharing her detailed story. She was quite persistant on proving her innocence to us. Okay, do we look like we want to talk about dead cats and how it did not happen and who wasn't the cause of death? We are on some pressed time here, let go of the cart, pop your eyes back in your head, and let us be. So about 10 to 15 minutes later... (well, we didn't want to seem rude) We kind of hinted that we had to finish up here and walked away. On our way out the door, we both saw a man wearing hunting gear (because it's so in and because he can, "Make it work!") walking right toward our direction. Now that's nothing new like you would see a family wearing matching NASCAR jackets as well as mullets. What made this different was that this guy was missing an eye, hunting acciednt? who knows? I looked at Charise and told her this would only happen here and the fact that we're both together, the experience was just enhanced.

So what did we learn at Wal-Mart today?
1. Flowbees are in fact a form of child abuse.
2. Don't mention cat death in front of an employee.
3. Don't shoot your eye out or play with sharp objects (How about not getting drunk while hunting?)