The weird drunk high-fiving girl is here, without the cross-eyed stalker, good times...

These two guys here, probably 50+(?) visiting from AZ, are challenging people to a game of beer pong

Having one of those "keep losing shit I had just a second ago and how in the hell did it get over there?!" kind of days...

Yeah, its like 70 out, think I should go outside while the sun is still shining...

Sadly, there are people watching JimmyFallon right now that have no clue who NadaSurf are

Just occurred to me that I've been showered & all dressed up like I'm going somewhere, but I haven't stepped foot outside my apt all day.

I can't deal w this dog anymore to the point of anxiety. And the dogs from upstairs are now shitting ON my patio. Yep, time to be a dick...

11:00 already?! Don't feel like it at all. Hell, I'm still in the clothes I slept in & I still have yet to shower! This day just flew by!

Just made a grilled cheese w/ sharp cheddar & pepperoni pizza Combos. Damn, I'm one crafty mofo!

Guy:"What's that girl in the funny hat saying to the guy in the wheelchair?" Me:"Something important" Guy:"Yeah, importantly insignificant!"

Ladies, Don't tell a guy you were on Mtv's Road Rules when that show's be defunct years ago. NotGonnaWork

Hanging w/ this dude, looks like a blonde Steve Carell, also named Steve, & victim of the drunk high-giving chick, laughing at hot messes

Guy:"You sound like a hypoglycemic breathing, shut up!" I definitely moved to the right place!

Guy on phone:"I'm drunk, don't be callin me bout a pic of you posted on Facebook! Don't be nasty and uhhh fuck you! Shithead!" ILoveThisBar

Guy to girl:"So sick of you telling people how good you look! Go get your dudes, get your numbers, just go!" I love watching drunk couples!

Had my first Gatorade shot, yummy!

Guys, Wearing a t-shirt that says "For Rent" or "Pig" won't get you the ladies in some places. LookIntoIt. JustSaying

Just had to interact with a drunk who insisted on a high five as her cross-eyed stalker watched from a distance. Hoping for a safe walk home

Ever look a fat bald guy's neck and want to glue a hot dog bun on it?

It may be the "bible belt", but a douchebag is a douchebag. Crosses shouldn't be on douchebag attire. It's live by The Cross, not by the Axe

Simplified just took the stage, the reason why I'm here tonight!

Nice recovery dude! Your drunk ass almost fell head first into that garbage can, didn't it? Yeah, I saw it

Of Good Nature are performing some pure dopeness right now. If you're into 311 and/or O.A.R, then you need to check these guys out!

Luckily I'm leaving my apartment, because my neighbor's dickhead chihuahua is about to be sitting next to Sarah MacLachlan in a minute

Guy:"Y'all wanna do a shot?" Girl:"Yeah, give me a shot!" Guy:"I'll give you a shot alright!" Girl:"You're gross" Love it!

Girl: "Quit trying to rub my belly!" Guy: "Don't worry, I know you ain't pregnant!" HAHA! WIN!

Hipster Jesus just showed up. Watch as he turns water into PBR

You know this boogie is for real...

When drunk white girls are getting down to Jamiroquai's Canned Heat, you know its because they know it from the movie CenterStage

Don't think I've ever Common's The Light played in a bar before, but the crowd is loving it. Jam

ThatAwkwardMomentWhen you & some guy are wearing the same sweater, but his is an XL because of his massive muscles, unlike you...

That awkward moment when you & your upstairs neighbors leave the apt bldg at the same time after hearing them having shower sex 30min ago.

The Doctors just did a segment on how to safely use glowsticks... The end is near.

Sad I have to lose weight just to fit into the only gym clothes I own before I can actually start going. Guess I won't be going for a while

A REALLY edited for cable version of Pirates II (w/ JesseJane & Belladonna) on Showtime right now. LOL!

When a job application asks if you have a Facebook, Twitter, even Myspace, is it a trick question? What if you lie and say no?

I managed to leave my apartment before 6pm for once! Whoa, daylight is weird...

Well, its time to take a shower and then head up to Walgreens to buy pens! DontHate!

I get so sick of hearing about these toy recalls over the most ridiculous thing. People just need to stop having stupid kids. Solutions

Yeah, think I'm finally going to take a shower now, then step out for a few, perhaps buy some pens and other stationary. FunTimes

Umm, since when did "Sounds like a parrot getting fisted" become popular to say? But speaking of neighbor's chihuahua... bout to get thrown!

OMG, they're playing Jamiroquai! Why do I come here? Because of its awesomeness!

I'm finally out of my apartment, only took me 10hrs. Fresh air feels weird.

Its just about 9pm and still haven't been outside yet, really need to get out of this rut I'm in.

A dubstep version of the I'm Lovin' It jingle in the new McDonalds commercial, smh... Biebs ain't such a bad idea now, eh?!

Well, it is after 5pm, I suppose I should shower and then perhaps take my first steps outside today.

Very disappointed in the coupon selection I just got in the mail :( Well, I guess buying coffee & pens will be today's highlight, meh...

I really hate being woken up just to be reminded that I had jalepeno peppers last night. Better turn on my ice machine...

I bet there were a lot of kids back in the 90s that didn't know what techno was up until the MortalKombat soundtrack came out.

MariahCarey lost enough weight to lip sync her own looped vocal samples from a remix made back in 92. StayPositive & MakeItHappen!

Shitty as my day was, I find a pizzeria that delivers beer or wine with your order. I am emotionally erect.

Oh great! I think my neighbor's chihuahua is stuck between the walls again. Can't stand the little bastard

This Triangle movie is kind of like Groundhog Day, but in the most absolutely fucked up way possible. Pretty much a mind rape.

There's nothing worse than a girl that think she's just as hot as Mariah Carey's before pic. AmericanIdol

All I want is to watch AmericanIdol, I need to be in a happy place after all that stress.

NYGIANTS WIN!!! And here comes the excessive online douchebaggery that goes along with it! Commence douches...

If I had known, I would've turned this Giants/49ers game into a drinking game. Every time you here "incomplete", you take a shot

Is it just me, or are TroyAikman and HarryConnickJr. starting to look more and more alike these days?

Watching Madonna: Truth Or Dare until the NASCAR Hall Of Fame Induction Ceremony comes on, because I'm cultured like that

I'm guessing the reason why people call them "9ers" is because NYGiants fans took their 40s

ManchesterUnited wins! Arsenal could've or at least tied it if they hadn't slept in the first half

TheirryHenry sitting out with an injury... Well, that sure didn't take long

I would love to be in the Beckham household right now. Supposedly one of his sons is an Arsenal fan

*Don'cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me* Don't worry, she's not... nor are you, moving on

Guy to some drunk girl: "You sweatin? 'Cause I can guarantee that you'll be sweatin your ass off later" Swag

Oh shit! Is the entire JerseyShore cast here?! Swear I just seen Sam walking around, like whoa!

This one guy's looking irritated, probably because everyone keeps pointing out that he looks identical to Vinny from JerseyShore. GoWithIt

GoesWithoutSaying but I'll say it anyway... drunkwhitegirls & Rihanna don't mix

Thanks rain for knowing I was bout to head to Starbucks for coffee. You've left me no choice but to have beer with my omelet, so suck it!

Must it rain every friggin time I have to walk somewhere?! Never get a break!

"Don't be jealous, 'cause its my hair that whips his face and not yours!" ShitDrunkGirlsSayToEachOther

The guy next to me needs a sign. The girl he's with is saying so, especially if he can't be somewhere at the time he says. WheresYourSign?

Discussing HueyLewis & The News... Yeah, its totally happening right now.

Think I just cut through a dogging site! Well, I guess if you're going to do it, what better place than a parking lot of a chiropractor

Cooter is to beaver as venison is to beef. Venison cooter... Yes, this was part of a conversation I had today. NoShame

"You know that song from Shrek?" he says... Umm... LeonardCohen? RufusWainwright version on the soundtrack. AmericanIdol

Evan is no Bieber, I'd say more like Greyson Chance if anyone. AmericanIdol

Finally got my NC ID today, HORRIBLE! I look like a (really) light-skinned Forest Whitaker, FML! At least I can buy beer now, gonna need it

This Erica chick looks like TonyaHarding. AmericanIdol

You just don't ruin a RascalFlatts song! Especially "I Won't Let Go"! SMDH... AmericanIdol

Hot and humid... Yeah, just like your daughter. ShitStevenSays on AmericanIdol. Wow...

You know you walked into the wrong neighborhood when you almost get hit by a Bentley while trying to cross the street

Best way to explain SOPA to old people; Take a black marker & cross out the clues in their crossword puzzle book, leaving the puzzles blank

Night night y'all

Stop SOPA from happening! Take a second to sign this! http://ping.fm/L5bnG And then adopt a pet, or save a pitbull

Forgot my phone, so was forced to interact with people. Ended up hanging w/ some true redneck construction workers from SC. Friggin hoot!

Stopped raining, off for some $1 beer, yay!

I just came up with the best name for an uncircumcised penis, a bishop in a turtleneck! - Schmidt (#NewGirl)

Its down-pouring and there's no sign of it stopping... so much for $1 beer night :(

Nice job being a dick, Will! Bravo! Glee

There's a 2-pound Satan chihuahua next door trying to claw it's way through the walls to eat my face. And people are worried about pitbulls?

T-Pain on Jay Leno singing WITHOUT auto-tune, doesn't sound too bad actually!

BettyWhite's OffTheirRockers is friggin hilarious!

Is there a "Shit People Say When They Shit" or "Shit People Say To People Who Are Trying To Shit" video yet? Just wondering

I've always liked JessicaLange, so I'm sure she deserved it, but I have never seen a single episode of AmericanHorrorStory

DustinHoffman clearly doesn't want to be at the GoldenGlobes

Madonna won a GoldenGlobe! And a very pissy EltonJohn didn't! Must be menopause...

I'm sorry, but I think AdamLavine is overrated.

Homeland FTW! Nice to know that the Best TV Drama is shot just miles from where I live! GoldenGlobes

KelseyGrammer forgot to thank Camille, oh wait, nevermind. GoldenGlobes

AshtonKutcher looking all cleaned up! and like someone threatened to cut off his balls! What's the matter?

Speaking of GoldenGlobes, SofiaVergara, ladies and gentlemen!

The NYGiants must have won, the internet smells like douche

Is it just me, or does MattLeBlanc look a bit like DeanMartin, but in a GeorgeClooney's younger brother sort of way? GoldenGlobes

Madonna looks a lot better with the little weight she put on, no longer a Skeletress. GoldenGlobes

GoldenGlobes tonight, along with some of my unnecessary live commentary! Someone needs to bring me alcohol, ASAP!

How the hell do you make an omelet?! I thought I knew but apparently not. This is only my 2nd attempt at eggs ever. Still can't crack though

FACT: Your best epiphany will happen in the bathroom.

Umm... What key was she singing in? SNL

Casey Anthony's dog: "I mean, where was Sarah MacLachlan in this?!" OMG!#SNL

Not quite sure if I like LanaDelRay or not. Not saying her music is bad, it just bores me, much like this SNL performance

Well throw some cheese on it! MissWisconsin gets the crown!

"#MissArizona, thank you! Now go get changed!"

MissAmerica is absolutely hysterical! The talent portion just kept me from punching my face because I was laughing so hard!

MissNewYork don't care, her dress looks like one of the moms from ToddlersAndTiaras took an LSD hit

BOOOO! MissNorthCarolina got the boot! (and yes she does!) But anyway, I think they're about to say things. Best part of MissAmerica

Pep in their step? Yes! This is the first year MissAmerica contestants will wear a bikini lined with fiberglass! SEXY!

For budget reasons, personality has been cut from this year's MissAmerica pageant in order to save time.

How the hell does the weather say 37 but feels like 42, when my testicles are getting a bronchial massage right now, WTF?!

Just made my 1st attempts at cracking eggs & making scrambled eggs. Both resulted in failure and the reasons why I never tried before

Well, that was a nice little almost 14 hour nap... what to do...

Well, its Friday, 20min til 8. Yup, time for a nap

If they should ever do a NightOfTheComet remake, DannyBoyle should direct it. In some sense, it was the 28DaysLater of the 80s

Fact: If you stub your toe, just overreact & make sure you look like a complete asshole doing it w/o making a sound, it won't hurt as much

Does anyone else see the problem here?

Perhaps I'm watching way too much premiere league football, had a dream I was speaking in a cockney accent. I sounded awesome!

Tebow & The DeBros, runnin dat!

Fact: Journey's Don't Stop Believing is a song ruined by drunk white girls and Glee

What in the Hell is a Nasty Gal Coupon? LOL

Congrats to JayZ & Beyonce on their baby. However, unless the baby is the 2nd coming of Christ, there's no need to call me. Seriously...

Heading off to watch some game somewhere. I hope its not a Giants or Jets game. I'd rather stab my face than to watch that tackyfest.

Random is hearing the DJ play Channel Z by the B52s. Really?!?

In a sports bar full surrounded by a bunch of no-neck meat-tards & feeling so left out of their witty banter. I should yell out "roids".

This guy's talking about how his old frat was banned for coke bust, was brought back years later & is now an established gay fraternity...

OMFG!!! Sisqo's Thong Song w/ Dave Matthews Band's 41? PureGenius

Any band that can mash up Sunglasses At Night w/ the Intruder Song (hide yo kids...) & make it into a song of its own gets BossPoints

Tomorrow night's episode of iCarly is called iBalls... iGiggles... IllNeverGrowUp