Home from the ER, staying in, bringing in 2012 with my mom. I really thought I was going to die. :(

My grandfather spent last NYE in the ER, looks like its my turn...

KatyPerry & RussellBrand (10/10 - 12/11) At least it lasted longer than 72 days & no shitty reality shows came from it. ThinkPositive

A damn shame on the amount of people I hear brag about what they got for Christmas this year, even about how much it cost. WakeUp

Just getting back from seeing TheGirlWithADragonTattoo, enjoyed it, but it had its moments. It definitely had its moments... yeah...

Absolutely disgusted by people so selfish, that they can't put things aside for one day to give someone their last Christmas. Unforgivable

Watching a couple slow dance to dubstep... interesting to say the least

Fra-gee-lay...

Battery is about to die, whore info will be reported later...

Sure you look hot... in a wrapped in paper & tossed over at a Seattle fish market kind of way... WorkIt

Everlast was the Tap Out of the 80s & early 90s... SomethingToThinkAbout & KnockItOff, JustSaying...

I love how my mom comes home from work and says MerryChristmas as she hands me a hot pink fannypack... WTF?!

I'm going to start wearing mom jeans just to be an asshole. Walk around & be like, Hey bitches, do you like my mom jeans?! - ShitMyMomSays

Who the hell would want her?! She's an alcoholic and her uterus is falling out! - ShitMyMomSays

Sad is when people mistake the sound of a screeching parrot with an irate fat white chick that can't find "her gay"

Who brings a friggin parrot to a bar? Really?!?

Coitus Interruptus...

Besides the $50, my highlight was the man so drunk, he didn't realize the beer he trying to drink was pouring into his coat. @JTsTavern98

BeginnersLuck & 3TimesTheCharm! First time playing BeerBingo & I win $50 bucks! WINNING!

ManchesterUnited to Fulham: Here are your asses back

If you have to check to make sure your weave didn't fall out after you keep checking your watch, YourShitsCheap

Back in Bing, at my mom's for a couple weeks. Remember people, I'm only VISITING!

40 miles til Binghamton

Kid #1: I've seen you fight before, you fight like a bitch. Kid #2: I've seen your ma before, look like she ran head first into a tree. WIN

Vanessa: "Rudy, what daddy is trying to tell you is that your goldfish is decreased." The classic Goodbye, Mr. Fish episode. TheCosbyShow

DrunkWhiteGirls starting to sing Adele = Finish your beer and leave

OMG, you lie! What? I sent you a message on Facebook asking what you were up to. At 8:03, you said nothing, but you were at a bar at 7:35

This guy just won the "Best way to interupt a conversation by a southern country boy award" w/ "I wanna motherfuggin McNugget, bitch!!!"

Fact: If you don't know a name of a song, DrunkWhiteGirls will scream out the name and/or the singer, followed by an "Ohmehgah WOOOOO!!!"

Guy mentions girlfriend, her: I don't care about Kristy with a K! She doesn't recieve you like I receive you! Do you like Goonies? Issues

Witnessing this guy's platonic friendship take a horribly awkward turn. You know, that moment you realize that she's nucking futs

Girl: We can go home & cuddle, but if I feel something rubbing on my ass, it ain't going inside Guy: We have to cuddle?

u be talkin bout kowalla bears and bluebary muffins and shit - TextsFromBennett

Despite the fact I'm standing in front of the patio door with the blinds open, my neighbor still lets her dog shit on my patio...

After 2 days of not checking my mail, all I get is a Clipper Magazine. Good thing though, I'm bout to do some serious couponing here

Yeah, think I'll take that 10min walk to my mailbox, since I have the motivation to, and the fact that I haven't checked it in 2 days.

"U probally drive a Kia minivan wit adam lambert floor mats" - TextsFromBennett

Nothing says holiday spirit like The Omen & The Exorcist parodies and Sarah Palin... only AmericanDad

Wasn't FamilyGuy supposed to be a Holiday episode? or did I miss something?

Joe's FionaApple tribute video... WTF? LOL FamilyGuy

Cleveland: What's your name?! Bear: Poop... Dick Poop. TheClevelandShow is actually good tonight!

I'm really glad I didn't waste money on the UFC fight tonight. However, if it were StarJones fighting, I would have splurged.

I admit, I googled SpudWebb after Stefon said it & saw that it was trending. SNL

First in a long time that I've ever laughed harder at a WeekendUpdate than the rest of SNL.

KristenWiig's flirting expert had me crying, because I've seen first hand. AlecBaldwin makes being an asshole a true artform. SNL

There's just something about Robyn's dancing I find absolutely intriguing. SNL

KatyPerry hosting SNL tonight w/ musical guest Robyn & I hear Stefon will be making an appearance. My night is planned. BieberMyBalls!

Only one guy in the band w/ 80's hair band hair & its real! Not the lead singer as thought, but they're killing it covering Motley Crue

So yeah, picture RonSwanson w/ a perm & I'm listening to a metal cover of Bad Romance...

The band's lead singer looks like a product of Joan Jett having a baby by either a labradoodle or Kip Winger.

Well just BieberMyBalls! I'm out of beer! :(

Thinking about changing my spread, er... I mean my profile pic. I'll be airbrushing my crotch shots for a bit if anyone needs me

The original Dre & Snoop Deep Cover on MtvJams right now! This makes me happy!

Thank God for bar & grill websites, saves me a trip to the fridge.

There's this guy in the bar jamming out by himself on his guitar, just did a cover of Coldplay's Don't Panic, un-friggin-believable!

Guy: You're just going to use me for my penis size Girl: What's your penis Guy: Umm, I'll give you the head Girl: Did you just say head?

Target employee, genius! ModernFamily

Stuck in the apt today due to this Carolina Monsoon we're having. Television sucks, but at least there's a GhostHunters marathon on.

My plan now that I'm drunk enough. I'm going home, putting on my HappyPants, getting on my laptop & put my Ho Ho set together. OneManParty

Do I have "Used to sell porn and sex toys" written on my forehead? It's like people know and want to talk about it their "situation". OMG

50 cent wings an $1 beer? I'd be a damn fool not to!

Discovering MtvU for the 1st time. They play videos! Really awesome videos! Going on 5hrs and still playing videos! What?!?

The damn couch is done! I'm going for a beer!

Have cable now, yay!!! Now I'm trying to put Ikea furniture together... Do liquor stores deliver? Well, they need to!

Stompy came knocking at my door this morning with some of that good good again and man, am I jacked!

Who the hell does the sound for these award shows anymore? You can hear the audience more than the performers. Ridiculous

Interesting discussion about porn on The View. Obviously a NoBarbaraDay

I wish the Giants would hurry up and lose, this game is cutting into my cartoon time!

Whenever I see someone riding a hoveround, Gwen Stefani's Crash starts playing in my head. Back it up, back it up! You got it, you got it!

Not only do the yield to pedestrians down here, they sell beer until 2am! This blows my fucking mind!

Quote Of The Night: "I've got shit in my mouth and its all stretched out" The Whore Report rides again!

I like how my phone auto corrects DTF to STD. My phone's a silly bitch!

I thought White Folks Get Crunk was a music blog, not a bar! WTF?

Pitbull has now ruined Dr. Pepper, FML

I need to start watching college football more often, they play like they're not getting overpaid. Even the marching bands had my interest!

Stompy, Traxsource, and beer!

Took some motivation, but I finally took a shower today. Not dressed & out the door though, but back in my pj's, in my bed. CelebrateLife!

Debating what to do tonight. I suppose getting out of my pajamas, take a shower, get dressed, & possibly go outside should be on that list

Whoa! BenSavage is on Bones! Talk about Boy Meets Old...

So Santa's penguin's name is Topper? Why not Pitcher Penguin? Sounds more catchy... wait, not if he's a Pitcher, nevermind...

Santa Claus Is Coming To Town! And he's bringing warlocks, penguins, & Nazi's! Damn gingers...

My neighbors upstairs alternate between dated reggaeton (Spanish only) & SteveMillerBand's The Joker & Abracadabra, all day! WTF?!?

Whoa! Since when is it December 1st?! ICallBullshit!

It has now officially taken me 12hrs now to put my new bed together. Vague directions, tools breaking, checking feng shui websites factored.

Today's motivation provided by chocolate cranberry coffee & some DirtyGhettoDiscoFunk

Shoemerang! The next time someone pisses me off... Look out! lol

"That was off the hammer!" - NewGirl

"I'd rather rawdog a beehive" - Glee

Well... I could go start using the gym provided where I live, or I could take a walk to Walgreens to buy a toaster... Tough call.

So I decided to scrub my face w/ coffee grounds from this morning... holy shit, I'm awake! I wonder if I could exfoliate w/ oxycontin? Hmm

What are the odds that I'd find an apt that goes with my Elvis pic

Not quite wife beater weather, but don't tell my neighbor that. You can actually hear his biceps thinking about putting you in a headlock.

On my patio, sitting in the sun, drinking chocolate cranberry coffee w/ Bailey's, watching my neighbor's dog taking a shit. GoodMorning!

Money Can't Buy You Class just popped into my head and I'm seriously considering suicide if it doesn't stop, "Oh Yeah!"

Waiting til 12am to see if my bedroom set goes on sale at walmart.com, ain't no way in hell am I dealing with people!

AVeryGagaThanksgiving? Don't know how did I missed this bit of info.

I wish I was lying when I say I'm having HotPockets for Thanksgiving...

The Nutmobile?

The Thanksgiving Day Parade is amazingly awful! I love how even the performers could give a shit about how bad their lip syncing is.

Walking to Davidson again today. I swear if I don't lose any weight, I'm giving up. On a good note, I finally get the keys to my new apt!

Approaching a NoSwagZone

Have tons of shit to do today, but since I can't figure out how this damn bus system works, it looks like I'll be staying in all day. FML

Debating if I should buy furniture now before I move in my apt Wednesday because I have none, or if I should wait until Black Friday

I wonder if Janet Jackson or Paula Abdul are embarrassed to have their names mentioned in Showgirls? And is Paula Abdul even aware?

DavidHasselhoff has an exceeding creeper status. Last was when he was talking about jerking off to the Best Female nominees at the EMA's.

Stop!... JustinBieber Shufflin'

Well... WillIAm performance would have been great if someone hadn't done effed up synching the MickJagger video. NoMovesLikeJagger

Thinking BreakingDawn helped BrunoMars take the win over JustinBieber. The shit between TeamTwilight vs TeamBieber has hit the fan.

MissPiggy is on fire promoting TheMuppets movie this weekend! Appeared on SNL last night & just performed w/ Maroon5. AMA2011

I don't mind HotChelleRae, but really? And by the looks of it, TheBandPerry will take care of it out in back, after the show. AMA2011

KatyPerry looks like JudyJetson with pink hair. Good performance though. People forget what an acoustic performance sounds like

Pitbull's "international playboy" act is getting old. I remember when he was part of the nation's reggaeton problem.

There's nothing about JenniferLopez's music that screams Fiat. Did Pitbull just have a boner, hence her hesitation while backing it up?

Dig this throwback version of MrLonely. About time KellyClarkson had a hit again. AMA2011

Good to see ChrisBrown actually perform rather than rolling off the beans on a harness flying all over the stage for once. AMA2011

EddieMurphy had a yard sale and JustinBieber bought his wardrobe. LetSelenaDressYou

TrueStory: I've never seen the Moves Like Jagger video, & the only Maroon5 song that I prefer the remixes over the original.

Haven't been outside all day yet, guess I'll go for a bit. Only have 2hrs until the American Music Awards come on, better get moving

"I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY, ALRIGHT?!?!" Hysterical only because I know people who freak out exactly like that. SNL

Florence + The Machine makes me happy. SNL

Anyone remember when SNL's TaranKillam was on TheAmandaShow in the Dawson's Creek parody MoodysPoint?

Too damn cold to go out. Think its a Chinese take-out, a couple beers at home, & bed around midnight kind of night... again...

Would much rather be watching BeavisAndButthead & GoodVibes but I'm stuck watching the Jets game... ICallBullshit

See y'all in Oz!

I can't believe how mature these kids are, transgendered or not. I wish all kids behaved liked that. Anderson

Neighbor bitching about his soon to be ex. Me: That's why I stay single. Him: Well no, life is meant to be shared... What part did I miss?

"In my day, they were shaped more like penises" - MawMaw ( RaisingHope)

I couldn't go for that Hall & Oates mash up on Glee, friggin wretched

BillMahar vs ElizabethHasselbeck on TheView was some good morning television! Props to Whoopi attempting to discuss OWS for 30secs

Disgusted by the OWS live streams... I'm going to bed thinking that becoming Canadian really isn't such a bad idea. Hello Toronto?

Nobody beats the Biz... Nobody!

I like orange juice! WEEEEEE!!!!!!

NickJr - a 24hr network made for stoners and former ravers, some of them just happen to have children.

More and more I feel like I'm wasting my time watching TwoAndAHalfMen. I think they're trying to damn hard

I wonder whose dirty taint it took to flavor Snyder's garden vegetable pretzels and how many of them did they use... gross!

A huge flash of light outside the window, massive black out, now the sirens are going off right now! What the hell is going on in NC?!?!

Wow is 2012 a bad movie! I'm going to have to go watch BetterOffDead just to forgive JohnCusak for that

"I am legendary homosexual Ricky Martin" AmericanDad "Is that the real Mrs. Garrett?"

We're going to make Technology Hump! SNL

Coldplay's ChrisMartin is a pretty funny guy! SNL

I swear I just ran into CamilleGrammer looking all pissy. I was like sorry ClubMtv got cancelled, wubba wubba wubba...

Get well ErickSermon, it ain't your time yet! http://ping.fm/ZJLIc

OMFG, JimmyFallon as JimMorrison singing the ReadingRainbow theme, EPIC!!!

11:38 DAMMIT!!! Guess no wishes coming true anytime soon... :(

I don't see how 25-40% off overpriced linens has anything to do with VeteransDay, but I thank you for letting us have that option.

Bought my first flat screen tv! $399 marked down to $279. Taking advantage of those online holiday deals. Now I need furniture.

This makes me giggle!

Didn't realize it was 11/11 until after 11:11. Therefore, no wishes were made, oh well...

"What's with this Twitter? Telling people what you think all the time? We used to do that...it was called being an a-hole." GoodVibes

Dude just got ass raped by a wild boar, "That one got me" wow...

"You want to play hardball? Taylor Lautner..." OMG, I just totally lost my shit! GoodVibes friggin hilarious!

"Is this Real Housewives of Detroit?" LOL BeavisAndButthead

Just ate sushi with a fork, deal with it!

"Teenage Boy Museum! Teenage Boy Museum!" Only on SpongeBob

"And this is what I call a 720 Nut Job!" - Sandy ( SpongeBob) Wow...

TaylorSwift's thank you list was quite diverse, from NickiMinaj to JimmyEatWorld

Does this guy singing with Sugarland think he's Bono? Settle down! Good performance nonetheless, just saying

LukeBryan's sparkle jeans... I guess we know what RickyMartin's wearing to this year's Grammys

Did I just hear LionelRichie's name announced on the CMAs?

I want BradPaisley's wardrobe

ZacBrownBand w/ GregAllman - Georgia On My Mind... Friggin incredible! CMAs

Dear DirecTV, I know its not an actually emergency alert, but is there a need to play Lady Gaga's Paparazzi? Really?

Tonight's episode of Glee isn't even over yet and its already causing a big uproar. I don't get it, because I was quite bored with it

Rushed so I can make it home by 5 to watch Nickelodeon, I haven't done this since DoubleDare was on

"Oh what do you call this? A filatio ratio! AWW YEAH!" - LMFAO ( MtvEMA)

Queen closing out the MtvEMA's with AdamLambert

And the Best Awkward Moment goes to... HaydenPanettiere & TheStreaker. Yeah, that definitely was a penis. MtvEMA

JustinBieber hanging out with LMFAO at the MtvEMA's, can't wait to see what comes of this...

Queen just got honored as this year's GlobalIcon on the MtvEMA's, bout damn time!

What extra hour???

Don't you just hate it when you die right after retirement?! I mean, come on! RIPAndyRooney

Heard the most incredible version of TomPetty's Great Wide Open here @ The Brickhouse, barely recognizable Some real talent going on here!

So I'm sitting at the bar with the NC equivalent of Kim G, bout ready to punch both my ears out

"You crazy dog! Don'cha want to see my video?!" - PattyMayonnaise

AirSupply playing with TheRoots on JimmyFallon! There's just too much awesome going today for me to handle. LikeWhoa...

Hey look, KristenStewart is acting socially awkward... and she's sitting next to DaveAttell who is talking about porn. JayLeno

The return of Triumph (at Occupy Wall St.) & late night's first ever same sex wedding, @TeamCoco FTW

Went into a convenient store and discovered that they sell MD 20/20! There will be an investment made in the near future... :)

KenanThompson as an adult dressed & acting like a baby on a date. Nickelodeon was treading on some freaky ass territory back then!

Through the years, I've noticed that HughJackman has become one of the gayest straight guys ever.

MasturbatingBear!!! All is right with the world again!!! ConanNYC

The Irish get a enough shit, but from Glee? Damn...

Never thought I'd be so good at bobbing for apples. Does anyone have any caramel & nuts so they can eat me out of this thing - StickStickly

So yeah, this CryBabyLane movie on TeenNick is pretty wacked and a half, a whole lot of wrong going on.

Am I hallucinating, or did I just really see MattPinfield on Mtv? Is this real life?

I like UrbanMethod, but the YellowJackets had a much better performance this week, can't believe they were voted off! TheSingOff... boo

HappyHalloween! I'm going as an Occupy protester. Find the house holding out w/ the best candy & occupy their porch for the entire night

Feel like TronLegacy was a waste of time. Visually, it was great, the rest I just didn't get. I think JeffBridges was still in Dude mode

FamilyGuy was just all sorts of fucked up...

"Is it a complete mess down there?" "I'm going to level with you... its like post-Katrina" AllenGregory has won me over already

BartSimpson got laid as an avatar, lol

People keep talking about all of this snow outside, but I'm looking out the window not seeing a thing, lol GoodTiming!

Though Aaahh!!! Real Monsters has nothing to do w/ LadyGaga, I love how StickStickly has been wearing the meat dress all night.

I just do not have an ounce of Halloween spirit at all this year, meh...

I officially have partying with JimmyFallon & JustinTimberlake on my bucket list. It is necessary this happens

I'm just learning that the World Series did not end last night, how bout that...

Really thought Texas would take the Series, but StLouis was well deserving of the win. However, the biggest winner this season... Beards

"Yeah, this guy has Hep C and God knows what else..." lol ( BeavisAndButthead )

I'm just trying to find the local channels, but thanks for the option other than the 200 channels of infomercials

Wednesday already?!? Damn...

Steve: "Name something a newscaster may adjust before he goes on the air" Woman (other family this time): "His junk?" This show kills me!

SteveHarvey: "Name a dance that's sexy?" Woman: "All I can think of is the Booty Pop! *sings* "Boo-tee Pop! Boo-tee Pop!

Wonder if I buy the bartender the current MensHealth issue w/ KellenLutz on the cover, if she'll give me free drinks tonight, hmm...

An episode of Homeland is being shot here in Charlotte & Mooresville this week. I'd check it out, but apartment hunting sounds more fun :(

Just learning that ReggieBush plays for the MiamiDolphins, when did this happen?

J-E-T-S!!! Don't! Fuckin'! Care! Woo-hoo!!!

Back home to watch the NYJets game, not by choice though, would rather watch TheSingOff

Ass Clown beer

RIP DanWheldon. Wow...

The big screen TV at Charlotte Motor Speedway is everything I thought it would be, I want it!

SaraEvans just sang the National Anthem, love her!

Not a cloud in the sky... perfect day!

Cornhole tournament anyone?

Because some children need that extra push...

Thinking about checking out the ska band playing at a tailgate party down the road. Nothing says NASCAR more than ska!

Good morning fellow tailgaters!

NASCAR tailgating for the weekend ( BankOfAmerica500 ) Anybody got decks? I wanna play some choons! Let's go raving!

5:30pm & considering calling it a night. Hate to waste such a nice day, but I haven't the energy to walk 20ft w/o wanting to pass out, meh

I'd have to say that EllaMaeBowen's version of Holding Out For A Hero is way better than BonnieTyler's original.

Sadly, most of those watching DWTS probably have no clue who RafaelSaadiq is. DoYourHomework

(1) Oxymoron (2) Impossible

I sure hope so

Yesterday a woman walked into a nail salon w/ a parrot on her shoulder & today has been non-stop rain. Its as if I never left Binghamton

If you really think about it, Audrey II had a massive case of Blue Waffle

Watching Little Shop Of Horrors, eating sushi. Life is good...

Walked around Davidson today, it was like being on Gilmore Girls. I got completely lost, but ended up walking in a complete circle.

At a house party watching an amazing documentary on Pearl Jam

At a house party watching an amazing documentary on Pearl Jam.

Not a football fan, but this Saints / Panthers game has my interest.

Game Day ridiculousness here, and then you got the randomness of Jets fans, thank God for beer...

Human Fire Extinguishers...

My barstool reclines! What now, bitches?!

Harry the Happy Dragon?

Has officially entered North Carolina!

We're in West Virginia... STAY ON THE FUCKING HIGHWAY AND DEAL WITH THE TRAFFIC!!!

Almost 6hrs behind schedule... did you seriously think my departure would go as planned? but on the road finally

Moving Day!

Honestly, I'll admit to not knowing much about SteveJobs, but i do know that he fought cancer for a long time, he's got my respect for that

Ever get excited when you think you've found a good parking spot when in fact its just a shopping cart return?

Watching OffLimits on Travel, hearing about NYC's RooseveltIsland for the first time.

"I give unlimited refills... as a lover" RaisingHope

AmberRiley (#Mercedes) is way too good to be on Glee.

Damn, Britney... damn...

Should it be a cause for concern that Single White Female is tonight's feature in the TV lounge at a nursing home?

Ever know people that are so stupid, you'd swear its just an act because you can't believe its naturally possible

Did the Yankees lose tonight? It's kind of quiet :)

Why the hell did Kinfolk9 get sent home?!?! TheSingOff just done pissed me off!!!

In case you see me puking, I'm having a bad case of vertigo. Trying to drive with it is amazingly fun as well...

Mumford & Sons followed by Flogging Molly on TV... this is the wrong time not to have beer in the fridge. Friggin amazing!

If interested, WSKG2 is airing last night's AustinCityLimits w/ MumfordAndSons & FloggingMolly at 3am. I'm forcing myself to stay up

Was going to be nice & tell this guy not to put money in the parking meter (because its Sunday), but he looked like a prick, so i didn't.

Damn Boscovs, not sure if I want to shop or make a baby

MelissaMcCarthy is friggin killing it on SNL tonight.

Only in Binghamton would you see a man hitch-hiking at a bus stop. He's on Main St. near The Belmar.

Thanks to Foursquare I got a free shot!

Despite all that I hate about Binghamton, I'll miss those drunken shared experiences people have that bond us together. MySharona

Ciroc Red Berry & Raspberry Schweppes... ImmaABoss!

Mtv playing some good shit tonight, CalvinHarris - Close To You

What's this?!?! WolfgangGartner's Illmerica video playing on Mtv! LikeWhoa

Hello... Is it me you're looking for? ZAP!!!

"Got so many shades, they thought I had a lazy eye"? Really? The ShitRickRossSays...

Damn you Stompy, you got me again! I just can't resist temptation. You can't jack up ChakaKhan & expect me to say no. AddictedToBeats

A couple of NYSEG workers on my street, walking around looking lost. Now they know how customers feel when they walk in to pay their bill.

Evil...

People are avoiding this thing like a plague. Anyone in Binghamton have an answer?

A girl yelling IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!!! from the passenger window down the VestalPKWY just got hit by a truck! Last part was made up. OnlyIf

New Blink182! :)

What the Hell?!? Within the time that it takes to open a new CD, you could have just downloaded it.

I swear if I get caught in another flood & have to put off moving again, I will wreck some serious shit!

Seriously, WTF?!?

Found this on the stairs leading to the dead end street I live on. Sure as Hell I ain't touching the damn thing!

I'll give you yet another topic, Vagina: Something to hail or a file cabinet with full of issues... Discuss...

Discovered I can use my unemployment debit card on Stompy. This is so not good. Long story short, Filthy Hotjizz it was... Ch-Check It Out!

Off to the car wash to spray off the paint on my two large lamps. Yes, you read that right...

Hehe...

If you can't figure out who RogerWaters is, or PinkFloyd for the matter, at least go look in a mirror & learn what stupid looks like.

Corndog Yourself... genius

DMV to drop the eye test to renew your license? Really?!? Are they out of their friggin mind?!

Dear Binghamton Weather,
You're doing it wrong...

Lowes always play break up songs when I come here. Not sure what to make of it.

Just went boating in my 2000 Saturn on Vestal Ave. Exactly what Binghamton needs right now... WTF!

Driving around seeing how many homes were condemned due to the flood as if they're tourist attractions... people disgust me, SMH, NoClass

The new Three Musketeers movie looks ridiculous. Sure, it looks neat, but is it necessary.

What's up with Nyasha's lips? She looks like one of those fish that suck the side of a fish tank - ShitMomSays watching AListNY

DnB acapella on the TheSingOff, sweet!

Binghamton is like raw dogging a diseased crackwhore. If you don't pull out soon, you're going to die a slow miserable death

Don't Stop Believing is playing in Walmart. I stopped before I walked in.

"Dribble in your tribble!" SNL

Denise, your face is covered with beetles and a snake is biting your boob! SNL

ScheddyBalls in the palm of my hand, or as I call it, Saturday

All new SNL tonight, w/ AlecBaldwin / Radiohead, my night is planned.

Fact: I do not know what NY's state flower is, nor do I care. I'm not going to Google it either.

Why do they call it a training bra? Are they going to do tricks?
Yeah, when she turns 18! OhSnap!

Feeling awfully random today. I may say things...

HEY RO, YOU UP NEXT!!! Well I'm RoRo coming in 3rd, and its about time that I get heard

Nickelodeon's blacked-out their shows for the Worldwide Day Of Play. Bravo should do this whenever they air a Housewives marathon.

The Laughing Cow commercial shows women laughing as they eat cheese. Are they suggesting that women are cows?

Amazing when you give away clothes to someone who lost everything in the recent flood & doesn't ask what brand they are. RestoredFaith

If you feel the need to rub your skank tits on me, I will throw them, along with your face (after I punch it) across the room. DontMakeMe

Dear drunk bitches next to me,
Shut. The. Fuck. Up!

I'm sorry, but when Jay Z's Can I comes on, I'll hate on every tubetop wearing ho in the bar. CalmYoAss

The guys that jumped on the metro bandwagon when it first became popular, all look like recovering coke addicts now. JustSaying

I'm not quite drunk yet, but almost considering heading to the Rock B Tavern just to bag a bitch for her bus pass. Binghamton's Finest.

Tonight's Quote: I need your baby batter in me boca. TheLessonIs: Ladies, don't text drunk guys at bars, they'll read that shit out loud

OMG, what bar plays Aretha Franklin's Who's Zooming Who? Yup... JT's

Ever since I made DJ Assult's "Ass N Titties" my ringtone, people call me at the worst possible time. ThatAwkwardMomentWhen...

A few bad decisions are in order this weekend. Just broke out the Ciroc & I'm shaving my head at 4:30pm, because IGoHard

I think I saw Jesus walking around downtown in a mismatched track suit. Then realized, its raining, he'd be wearing a shower cap. Not Jesus

Not like I knew wtf was going on, but for a soap to be on for 40yrs, AllMyChildren could have gone out better than that. FinaleFAIL

TRAGEDY! When your bowels splat up in the restroom stalls, its TRAGEDY!

TRAGEDY! When you dollar store weave falls right off, its TRAGEDY!

Is it bad than when a lesbian walks past me, the What's Happening theme song plays in my head?

How was I not informed that XFactor started tonight? Guess I'll go back to ModernFamily...

Instead of acting like a bunch of whiney-ass bitches over the NewFacebook, why don't you try doing something oh, I don't know... OUTSIDE!

To me, watching Dr. Oz is like reading a medical dictionary. Within an hour, I'm pretty sure I have Crohn's Disease or an ovarian cyst

Saw RIP DADT, thought they had broken up, just realized I was thinking of TADT (The American Dream Team), not Don't Ask Don't Tell. SillyMe

Its not even noon yet and people are already annoying the shit out of me. I just do not have the time for stupid.

Rerun of BruceSpringsteen on JimmyFallon, such a classic episode

No, I did not watch the Charlie Sheen roast, schedule conflict

I'll be 1 of many boycotting DWTS this season. Not because of ChazBono, just only until they get actual stars on the show.

I'm bored and its rush hour. Think I'm going to spray off some patio furniture at the car wash just to piss people off. :)

Wondering if I can use my unemployment benefit debit card to shop on Beatport or Stompy, I need some tunes

Is the girl on Fox40News aware of the black spot on her nose? She probably pissed off someone in the make-up dept.

That was the worst Emmys I have ever seen. Yawn...

Mad Men wins Best Drama. Neat! Never seen it...

I love TheDailyShow, but 9 consecutive wins? Really?

WTF is Julianna Margulies wearing at the Emmys?

Today's plans: Visit gramps, give gramps a haircut, NASCAR, Emmys. Avoiding peoples bullshit. NoBitchassness

I didn't think it was possible, but after today, I think I hate Binghamton even more. SuckIt

I swear I just saw Kim G from Housewives standing outside in front of Burger Mondays. Binghamton keeps reaching for the stars...

I would really appreciate it if you didn't go into a drunken seizure in front of me just before I order my food, thanks...

Who's gonna save the world tonight?

Yup... Yup... nope

Asian guy with bleached blonde hair wearing a motorcycle jacket, should someone tell him that its not 1991?

Bitch please, you're like a before pic of Kelly Osbourne with 2 legs. KeepWorkingOnThat.

Drag queen looking like Jody Watley from 1987 with a Pussycat Doll complex. NotWorking

Community - Best. Paintball. War. Ever! If Broome was that fun, I'd probably would have finished

After the events of this past week, does it fucking look like I'm interested in buying lotion?! PS: EverbodyHatesYou!

Yay for new hot water tank! Just took my 1st hot shower in a week in my own home since the flood. GodSent. ThingsWeTakeForGranted.

Yep, pretty sure its the flu... why not? Awesome...

Woke up really ill, I hope its just because I'm over-tired from the past few days, not from from the toxins left from the flooding :/

9/11... http://ping.fm/MjQLi

So grateful to be back home & to have a home. Only the basement flooded, not in the apartment as I was told at the shelter

Anyone know the condition of the south side of Binghamton is? I WANT TO GO HOME!!!

Reports of gas stations running out of gas in the Binghamton area. Just heard that the Sunoco station on Hooper Rd. Endwell is out.

Finally out of the BUEventsCenter, no word on the condition of our homes, so heading over to our neighbor's daughter's house in Endwell

First thing I see this morning quickly reminding me that I'm not moving to NC today as was planned...

Please don't fall on me...

Really? Like we're in friggin zoo?! OMG...

By the looks of it, I have nothing to take with me to NC. I'm not being materialistic when these things mean so much to me. I'm sick.

before evacuation

I'm almost certain that I won't be leaving for NC tomorrow...

Exchange St. Bridge

Flood wall at Conklin/Tremont (#Binghamton)

Conklin Ave. near Tremont St. Binghamton

Conklin Ave. under the State St. Bridge. Binghamton

They're no unnecessary travel in BroomeCounty, but my liver is saying otherwise. What's good Binghamton?!

RIP Uncle Frank. Watching Jimmy Kimmel paying tribute on his show

Trying to get into SonsOfAnarchy, never seen it, no friggin clue what's going on. My mom's explaining it to me, not helping...

Endicott's one of those towns where you'd have to sit in your own feces just to feel better about yourself.

On an escalator (downward), there's no need to get so close behind me as if you're about to dry hump the middle of my back. Rude

If your kid's feet can double as breaks on a stroller, they are probably too big to be in one to begin with

I got a great idea for a reality show, its a bunch of bitchy bitches being bitches bitching about other bitches bitching. SOLD!

Confirmed: I'll be on the road to NC this Friday at 4pm

Is it odd that I can solve a Law & Order: SVU episode within the 1st 30min w/ all possible case scenarios?

Way before JerseyShore, fist pumping can be found in the movie Ghostbusters, who knew?

Heading to Flashbacks/Paradigm, already can feel an STD coming on

"Yeah, y'all jealous of my tits cause they so big and shit!" No, its because you're really fat, your gut sticks out just as far. NastyFail

I feel like I'm watching Tyler Perry's The Crying Game right now...

Girls like humping mirrors...

Ladies, if your toes are scraping the ground, you shouldn't be wearing open-toed pumps. I don't care if your toe nails are did. FixYourself

I swear half of the female population here went cheerleading camp like 10yrs ago only to discover loneliness & chicken soon after. Sad

Just used my Foursquare check-in to get a free shot. BallerStatus

Thanks OldNavy for ruining one of the best songs to do endless lines of coke & shoot guns to, I used to love Only In My Dreams.

Colt 45 and a fried chicken sundae... wif bacon sprinkles! McGhetto

McGhetto: Wet corn bread with a piece of lettuce.

If I weren't so hungover, I'd get up & take a picture of the old lady walking down the street with no pants on right now.

Face down, Ass up, that's the way we like to fuck! Jersey Turnpike! Holla!

Like whoa

Real good FriendsOfDJs take shitty ass request for them and pass it on like we both actually give a damn, then laugh at the silly ho

Who the hell uses Scott Peterson as a reference? Oh wait, I'm sitting next to him

Lifetime's classic NoOneWouldTell, the one with CandaceCameron getting smacked around by FredSavage, or 2for1 at JT's... Decisions

What irritates me about Extreme Makeover is the one kid who's NOT disabled that becomes such a spoiled dick by the end of the show. WTF?

Random is getting a phone call asking if you need an eye patch because there's a case of them about to be thrown out.

Great ideas for BackToSchool parties on the Today show. Really? Might as well tell your friends that MommyDrinks before they come over

Yes?

Girls wearing deer stalker hats aren't really looking for a penis. JustAnObservation, JustSaying

You have to appreciate a woman that has an exposed bra strap that matches her hot mess of an outfit. "Oh girl, I look hot!" No you don't.

Ever see someone that you haven't seen in a while but not quite sure if its them because they got really fat? JustWondering

"I just looked down and it dropped on my shoe" Why IDidntKnowIWasPregnant is one the BestShowsEver!

Why does Hebrew National come in packs of 7? Why not 6 or 8? Is this a part of JewishMysticism that I wasn't aware of?

Refuses to buy food with 9/11 as the expiration date. AmITheOnlyOne?

If your kids can't behave in a store, then leave their asses out in the car. Just roll up the windows, they'll be safe.

I'll be downtown tonight, celebrating all that is awesome, and believe me, there were tons of awesome today. LikeWhoa

What ever happened to Elvis? You know, Clarissa's pet alligator that she kept in a small plastic baby pool in her bedroom.

Ooooooh, family secrets revealed! Scandalousnaciousness!!!

NoteToSelf: Don't attempt to use eye drops while in a moving vehicle... again

When the cast of JerseyShore doesn't anymore, its time to UpdateYourWardrobe

DJ Toolbag & his satchel of sheep! Look at my tan!

I get the point of TeenMom, but not really buying about them having it so hard when they're 3 seasons in and getting paid per episode.

Cuffd... sadly, this is our future. SMFH

Mtv's DeathValley, shit was insane!

Not sure how to feel about new NickiMinaj video http://ping.fm/seZ7R

So glad McDonalds hasn't lost their knack on making tv ads that insult black peoples intelligence. When I say mango, you say pineapple

Irene, you fucking whore...

Axe Is Forever = My shit at the moment. Deer Tick, Google it

It's near...

Hurrigeddon is near!

What guy comes out to the bars dressed like Jack Sparrow just because its Friday? Issues...

Reporter: "What's the first thing you need to do to prepare for a hurricane?" Resident: "The first thing is to go out & buy glowsticks."

I love peoples mentality, "Its only a Category 2, 2 isn't a big number." You're right, and a really good time to go surfing too. Dumbass

"#Hurricane preparations: Make sure your batteries are working" I didn't know it was going to be that kind of hurricane...

Listening to a promo CD by some local talent from my neck of the woods, Binghamton's Eastside! HotShit!

Don't walk around acting pretty with brows like that. Your brows have met, but your eyes haven't? Yeah, go FixYourself

Hurricane Irene is 430 miles wide! That's almost as big as your mom! OhSnap!

My mom's kitchen after the earthquake, what a mess!

ATTENTION BINGHAMTON, NY: A tsunami warning has been issued, seek shelter in the safest corner of your basement immediately!

SoulSessions on Centric, remembering Aaliyah 10 years after her death. God, I miss RealMusic!

"With this hurricane, expect lots of rain and wind" Yeah, Mr. Weatherman! Throw us some of that awesome meteorological magic! DoDat!

If everything stays according to plan, I'll be gone on the 1st. So who wants to get me drunk for the next couple days?

Damn, I'm hearing a lot sirens today. Was there another MEGAQUAKE that I'm not aware of?

That earthquake must've been something, traffic is STILL backed up on the VestalPKWY!

"It's time to play the feud!!!" MorningAwesomeness!

Yes, that's a grilled cheese I'm making. Don't question my culinary skills!

Wonder if Binghamton's earthquake boner has gone down yet?

Getting ready to watch Where In The Compound Is Muammar Gaddafi as soon as Square One is over.

I just had to quickly shut the TV off & hide from the windows to avoid Jehovah's Witnesses at my door. I haven't done that in years!

TakeIntoConsideration: Most of Binghamton wouldn't know the difference between an earthquake or if they're having withdrawals. Fact

Its as if people are just making this shit up. I've been sitting outside this whole time & felt nothing, didn't hear a single rattle.

That wasn't an earthquake, it was some white kid driving around w/ a "boomin" sound system that cost more than his shitty car did.

Thinking its a going to be a Reality Bites or Singles soundtrack kind of day. Possibly Empire Records as well.

So much lesbian action going on downtown tonight. When I get home, I'm putting on a flannel shirt, eat a granola bar.

Things you hear in Downtown Binghamton: "I love your vagina. I love having my fingers in it." And its not even the weekend yet!

Most awesomest Wednesday ever! *No Sarcasm*

Father to young daughter in the bakery section: Let's if your power of persuasion is good enough to convince to get you a cookie, yeah?

I am home drunk and someone needs to bring a sammich, like now!

North Carolina is just a matter of weeks right now. The move is coming soon!

I wish I received a good wifi signal in my bathroom. Been here for a while and I'm crazy bored right now.

I <3 Karma

Ever have see something that you think you weren't supposed to see, but you did, & not sure if its awkward unless you make it that way?

Ping photo check

Sweet Caroline, fucking slut...

If you wanna have fun & blow out your lungs, then smoke a rock today! Smoke crack, smoke crack, smoke crack, smoke crack!

Remember ladies, just because you have big tits, don't mean you ain't ugly & we don't see your gut tucked in your jeggings.

Millions of peaches, peaches for me. Millions of peaches, peaches for free...